I realize I haven’t posted anything worth reading in some time. Actually I’ve gone back and forth on posting at all, but here we are.
I started taking Chantix to help me quit smoking. While it’s true, I could have laid them down cold turkey and quit – I really didn’t feel I was equipped to do that. Judge if you will. Anyway, Chantix came with some side effects and two of those side effects are depression and suicidal thoughts.
Go Team!
I am generally not one that suffers the ‘warning’ side effects, however, that isn’t the case here. In addition to dealing with the crushing depression that started about 10 days ago, I’ve been attempting to ‘fake it till you make it’ whilst simultaneously curling myself into the corner of my darkened bedroom in the fetal position.
To say that the last ten days have been nightmarish would be a gigantic understatement.
It all came to a head on Friday evening when I came home from work, took off my clothes and got in bed and laid there and cried for 4 hours.
I knew it was hitting me because I was making a conscious effort to try to ‘fake it’ and the old man knew, because he’d been experiencing my wrath all week long – to the point that he tip-toed around me and didn’t want to leave me alone.
We were both sort of hoping that the Chantix would regulate in my system and that the symptom would go away, but that didn’t happen.
Friday, the old man decided it was enough – he trashed the meds and I haven’t taken them since.
Today is the first day that I’m sort of starting to feel like I might be moving towards normal. Of course, that might just be because I need to go to the grocery store and I’m psyching myself up for that.
All in all – I’m not sure that the drug was worth it. Yes, I did quit and I hope I continue to be able to ‘quit’ even though I’ve stopped taking Chantix. Hopefully, as the drug leaves my system, I’ll start to feel more and more normal…but the trade off is certainly more deadly than smoking – in my opinion. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t had the old man and the kid here cheering me on, watching me and making sure I was safe…I certainly don’t recommend Chantix for someone who lives alone…I shudder to think…
As for everything else – I’m stewing on some posts regarding the panel I participated in last week as well as some of the other stuff going on, that I haven’t really talked about.
Thanks everyone for your support this week – you didn’t know how much I needed it and I didn’t realize how much I had to have it – but your support/kind words/friendships have meant so much to me this week.
God I want a cigarette and I want to stop crying.
Related posts:
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Ecigs…try them. Glad you are safe and getting back to normal.