Words Sharp As Swords in Adoption

I sat down to write tonight and suddenly realized that I didn’t really have anything to say. My life just isn’t that interesting. I envy those bloggers who not only find something to write each day, but find something funny, engaging and interesting to write each day.

I think a lot of the reason why I don’t and/or can’t write more is because I feel like I sometimes can’t be myself. It’s frustrating, because I’ll get to a point where I totally want to open up about something and then I can’t and I think that’s mostly why I’ve been so frustrated and anxious the last few days.

So, I decided to say screw it and open up any way. I mean, it’s just not healthy to keep things bottled up.

I have found myself triggered more and more over the course of the last several weeks. Even more so over the last 72 hours. Triggered by things in the adoption community that I really need to either get past or ignore…but it’s hard. Adoption is not unique in its tendency to lend itself to generalizations and stereotypes…but because of the emotions often involved in adoption, those being stereotyped often feel hurt.

I’m not immune to being hurt – and the last week or so, I’ve found myself hurt quite a bit by words not intended for me, but written about me simply because I’m a ‘birth mother’.

So, because I feel hurt, I feel I need to ‘set the record straight’ on a couple of things – both for myself, but also for the fellow first mothers out there who get hurt by words untended for them. So here goes:

I’m not an addict.

I’m not a liar.

I’m not an alcoholic.

I’m not a whore.

I have more to offer than the womb in which my child(ren) grew.

I am a professional.

I am highly educated.

I bring a lot to the table.

My opinions are valuable and worthy.

I am unique and interesting and people tend to actually like me if they can get past their ideas of who they think I should be and see me for who I am.

I don’t like being labeled by people who would be equally offended by any number of labels that could be used in reference to them.

Adoption defines a large portion of what I do in my personal and professional life, but it does not define who I am. I am a person, with emotions and feelings who has vast experiences that gives my life purpose.

There is more to me than a stereotype. No one likes to be defined by preconceived notions. I am likable and witty and funny and fun to be around.

You can not learn about who I am as a person by saying “what does a first mother want from X” – every first parent is unique. The things that make you unique and different are the same things that make me unique and different.

So before you write someone off by saying, “She’s a first mother” – stop for a minute and think about all of the things that make her a unique person. First parents aren’t clones of each other – we all have unique and different experiences that make us who we are.

And like me – a great many of us aren’t addicts, liars, alcoholics or whores…we’re interesting and unique people worthy of respect.

If you’d like to know more about what made me choose adoption, then ask – don’t assume. You know what they say about assumptions.

Thanks for taking a minute to read this – I didn’t realize how much I needed to get this off my chest.

Related posts:

1. How Much Is To Much To Tell?
2. Even Though I Rarely Talk About Adoption
3. A Day At The Gastroenterologist