Ten days ago, I woke up feel like I’d spent the night chewing on a sock. My mouth was dry, my lips were cracked, my throat was sore and, of course, my nose and sinuses were running like a leaky faucet. This is in addition to the general crappiness I feel on a daily basis, but have managed to live with.
It was wearing me down.
Then, about a week out – I stopped sleeping. Just stopped. I’d get an hour here or an hour there, but overall, the bags under my eyes started looking like steamer trunks and the toll the lack of sleep was taking on my body was just to much for me to deal with. I did finally manage to pass out from sheer exhaustion on Thursday night and I slept fairly decent, considering.
But by the time Friday came around, I was back to not sleeping.
The whole time, I’ve had this head cold and I did finally manage to go to the Dr. and she did give me some medication – but it doesn’t seem to be helping – which of course, she said was the likely outcome, given the fact that my bodies defenses are compromised. Couple all of this with the fact that I can only really take a small child’s dosage of any type of medication, for fear it will send my liver into a ‘storm’ like last summer…
It’s just not be fun.
So, I’ve been sick for ten days – sick as in, I have a cold and now I have this stomach thing and it’s killing me! I woke this morning not really feeling any better, but trying like heck to ‘fake it’ because I’m sick of feeling like I’m sick…if that makes sense.
At any rate, I’m sick – like normal person sick and I feel like a total wimp because I should be able to handle ‘normal person sick’ after almost a year of handling ‘incurable disease sick’…but the fact is, I can’t – because I’m exhausted and I woke up this morning, after three hours of fitful and restless sleep and I’m still sick.
My nose is still running. The stomach issues are still very much an issue. I’m tired, I’m swollen, my eyes are bloodshot and they feel like they have dirt in them, I’m hacking up phlegm and my nose is raw from excessive use of Kleenex and, and….and…
All I want to do is crawl back in bed and sleep – but I can’t sleep, so I’d just lay there. Then there is the whole going to work thing, which on days like today (and the last ten days) is excessively difficult, because to be honest, I don’t feel justified in staying home…not for a cold and ‘stomach issues’ – not after the other.
I have things I need to get done, sick or not. So I’m off to go get them done…
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The first time Elena got an ear infection post liver transplant, I remember thinking all that she had been through should make her exempt for the normal childhood illnesses. It felt so not fair, especially since she couldn’t fight them as well as the rest of us. I completely get the sick of being sick. Remind yourself that your cold/stomach issue isn’t the same as the rest of us given the past year and be kind to yourself. I hope you feel better soon!