How Much Is To Much To Tell?

@Firemom, over on BlogHer, asked the question, “How much is to much to tell when speaking about your adoption on the internet.”

After hemming and hawing over the question for most of the day, I think I am finally ready to take a stab at it. This will be one of the very first posts I have ever made on this blog as a first mother. In fact, while most everyone here knows what I do, where I work and that I’m adopted – it’s quite possible that a great many of you reading this are sitting there mouth agape as you learn this new tidbit about me.

I’ve gone to great lengths to separate my desert dwelling and desert writing self from my first mother self.

You might be wondering why that is. There really are a lot of reasons. Mainly, I find that my thoughts, while not controversial, tend to fall outside of the comfort zones for some folks. For the sake of my sanity and the sake of my bank account, I elect to keep my (self proclaimed) non-controversial comments regarding said topic to myself.

People just don’t understand and I don’t have the time or patience to be the worlds teacher. Besides, for some, the alternative to their thought processes is just to much outside of the norm for them – it’s what I like to call the “lalala I can’t hear you!” mentality.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. A new topic for Desert Life readers – Adoption and sharing.

I guess, really, I’ve already shared my thoughts by posting what I did above. I choose to keep my thoughts mostly to myself. My daughter might read here. I know her mother does from time to time. Her father? I don’t know…I doubt he does, but he could. I don’t need nor want to expose them to thoughts that they might find uncomfortable, not that I really have any. My daughter and her mother are both Facebook friends – both see an update on their News Feed every time I update the blog and naturally, being of the technical persuasion, I track my visitors. I just like to see who is reading and when.

For a while, I penned a blog on another domain where I didn’t use my name and I kept things fairly benign – but eventually, I was called out and told that my thoughts, even posted anonymously and in a fashion that shared only my feelings regarding my situation and circumstances, needed to be taken down…now before we go there, I want to make it perfectly clear, I am no where NEAR anti-adoption. I firmly believe that there is a need in this world for adoption – my personal thoughts are that adoption is one of several options available to women facing an unplanned pregnancy. I also believe that when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, a woman (and a man) should be given all the tools and resources they need to make a fully informed decision. This, my friends, is my mantra. I repeat it. Often. This is what I believe.

Honestly, the reason I don’t share is fear. I’ve been scared to share much. Scared for a lot of really valid reasons.  I shared a few months ago about my decision to seek out my paternal birth family members and how all that went (it’s going great by the way)…but I have been hesitant to share beyond that.

So, for me, how much is to much to tell? We’ll see – on some days, I feel like I have so much to offer on the topic, so much to share – heck even my daughters mother has encouraged me to start writing a book (it’s on my bucket list, trust me) – but then there are the days when I just feel like every word I say is used against me – often out of total misunderstanding or rather, lack of willingness to understand.

I just don’t understand why making a full y informed decision is a bad thing – but some people see it that way I guess.

Sometimes, I just get tired of fighting the battle – so for the most part, I’ve turned my back on the war.

Be gentle with me please. I’ve only got my toe in the water…and I’d really like to kind of sit down and relax for a while.

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